Living their dreams
By Simon Lewis
One of the things I’m most grateful to my parents for is allowing me to follow my own dreams and live those dreams. In hindsight, a lot of that time may have come to nothing and may well not have paid off, but it was my dream to live and my responsibility to accept and deal with any success and failure that came along.
Most importantly, as I was largely encouraged to enjoy my own interests and activities and seldom forced into things I was not interested in, it left me with wonderful, warm memories from my childhood and a happiness and sense of fulfilment about the life I have lead to date. I may not have achieved my goals or matched the achievements of many of my peers, and I have had disappointments along the way, but I’m fortunate to be able to say I have been happy with my day-to-day life and what I have achieved. Happiness is probably the most important thing for a human, from the cradle to the grave.
True, to have achieved greater success my parents should have been tougher on me in certain respects and perhaps forced me to comply with the ‘right way’ of doing certain things that I shied away from.
Fortunately, through my own life experiences and being open to interpret life’s lessons as they’ve come along, I have been able to see where my parents ‘went wrong’ and to realise a balanced view of how I need to guide my son, Ronan, in his future sporting life as well as the rest of his life. The biggest lesson, however, is not to get your son or daughter living your dreams or striving to attain your goals or levels of success. My childhood was rich and rewarding to live – albeit there was pain suffering and unhappy times, as all humans experience to some degree – but much of my days and hours were spent hitting cricket balls and tennis balls and kicking soccer balls around, and watching the TV and reading the magazines, comics and books that fascinated and entertained me. As these things excited me my youth was spent enjoying my choice of these various activities - but never did my father push me to do what he had done or to realise his unrequited goals or try to match his own successes.
If I had been forced to play and practice hockey (which my dad had played) or perhaps rugby (which was the popular sport at my school, even though soccer was my preferred sport – I’d play for my school rugby team in the morning and for my soccer club in the afternoon) I might have learned certain life disciplines or made different contacts and friendships that could have been valuable in later life… but I wasn’t, and I’m happy with the consequences. I wasn’t left playing sport and hating it, or wishing to be doing something else. I played it and loved it and thrilled to the experience. True, there was a lack of must-win-at-all-costs competiveness about my play and life in general – although I certainly played hard to win and trained with the worth ethic of a professional. Overall, I guess I played in more of a gentlemanly fashion, as that was very much my father’s background and influence coming through. Looking back I wouldn’t change it for the life I have lived. Sure, with hindsight if mom and dad could have tweaked their approach and attitude in a few small ways I think I might really have been able to achieve something in the sporting world that would match my ambition and drive, but hindsight is easy. They were great parents who gave love and support and encouragement and plenty of opportunities - and that is what I remember and that is what I most cherish. Their example also leaves me in a wonderful position to be able to try and strike an even better balance as I help Ronan develop as a sportsman and as a young man facing a world of opportunities and responsibilities as he grows through life.
The worst thing I can imagine is spending hours and days as a child growing up playing a sport or doing the violin or learning to fix a new air filter into a car… IF that was something I really didn’t want to do. Of course it’s important to have chores and to experience many different things in life, as sticking too close to what you know or love can be limiting and even dangerous, but there’s a balance that you need to discover for yourself.
We all live only our own dreams and there can be no better tribute to yourself and your child to honour them by giving them a balanced upbringing, sharing with them your past, your own dreams, the goals you achieved and dreamed about… and then cutting the emotional apron strings and allowing them to live their own dreams day by day.
© SIMON LEWIS • The Ball magazine simon@theball.co.za • www.theball.co.za
